7am (self-talk)

Let’s slash

Through

This crawling juncture of sleepy smoke and eyes prised open-

Why not go?

I’ll drag myself through a drunken sunrise and emerge

Alert and sparkling clean-

You’ll be grasping the bones of my wrist looking dazed-

And I’ll laugh:

‘Have you ever seen it this beautiful before?’

 

A child’s frown-

‘But it’s ugly,

It’s fucked up, it’s a wreck.’

Smile slips-

I was in love with it, a grey that one could sink into and nobody would look for you-

Submerged in a silence and a noise, a humming forest of slick concrete-

You look up and say:

‘I do like this rain though.’

We are soaked through.

7am (self-talk)

self growth/decay

My outline is blurry now

The fade from breath engaging with frost on a window in Autumn,

I’ve left her behind.

Scan for her body in the garden where I’m burying her slowly

as she decides to lay down;

 

A new heartbeat grows stronger every day

I feel tainted and confident and disgusted,

I want to leave it all behind.

Scan for my exhaustion, sweat layered under my cockiness

Her body’s in the garden,

 

I’m burying her slowly.

self growth/decay

@ the butcher

Today was another day that I stepped back into that room

The one where flames licked the walls as you spat at me

You spat at me and told me that it wasn’t rape

Take my finger and point it at the head of a girl

Who got drank too much

Wore that dress

Said yes the first time

& Shoot.

 

Today was another day that I stepped back onto that driveway

The one where the moonlight is pooling red around me

Your hollow teen eyes filling up with alcohol watching it happen

I wonder if you think about all those nights

And cringe now

I wonder if you’ve tried to push it down

Like I have,

Smother it.

 

Today was another day that I tried to please your ego

By being less loud, less opinionated, less intelligent, less brave

I’m a butcher everyday, I choose which chunk of myself to present to you

To make myself more palatable

So I’ll lie down next to you

All of you

Every single one

& Carve.

@ the butcher