an unraveling

There is comfort in the challenge

and stress in the home.

There is a vine wrapping around my torso

and tearing my gut apart

digging into me like it hasn’t eaten in days,

weeks.

Nature has turned against me

I used to hide with her to find peace

but now she turns to me blank eyed

from within a tree shadow telling me

to run home.

But there is stress in the home

I try to remember my sense of self as a way to pull me

through

I try to look at myself in a mirror and think this is flesh

and it’s mine and I’ve done so much

Just me.

There is comfort in the challenge

I’m eating dirt and staring at a moving hedge

Laid back.

Drunk on a grey sky that fills my head

until there is nothing more

until the nausea subsides.

I try to look at myself in a mirror and remember that

this is today

but there will be days where you will be able to unknot your stomach with your own two hands

and take the bags under your eyes for a walk

to greet the trees like old friends.

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an unraveling

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