this is not about you

White

Teeth are being tossed around like skittles on pavements from white stranger to white stranger, welcome to our world;

There is time and space enough here for you to lie in grass that is sweating in 60% humidity on a day that is a cloudless 35-degree simmer,

Limbs melt and mind shakes itself awake,

 

This is a decentralisation process.

This is not about you.

 

White

Limbs that you see every day plastered all over high rises that rest on the bones of slaves, who clothed your ancestors-who fed the empire-who created but were not credited-who watch the abuse of the land-who bled-

Who bled.

Those white limbs they are the same limbs that you see in your mirror but there is no use feeling guilty for them

because guilt is no use to anyone if it does not drive action.

 

This is not about you.

 

White

Light, let it filter through your eyelids while you think of every time that you have felt hard done by because you were not central to the narrative:

Unpack your need to be superior and included, unpack your need to be superior and included, unpack your need to be superior and included.

Pull yourself out from under that simmering sky

Listen. Learn. Don’t speak.

 

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

This is a decentralisation process.

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this is not about you

an unraveling

There is comfort in the challenge

and stress in the home.

There is a vine wrapping around my torso

and tearing my gut apart

digging into me like it hasn’t eaten in days,

weeks.

Nature has turned against me

I used to hide with her to find peace

but now she turns to me blank eyed

from within a tree shadow telling me

to run home.

But there is stress in the home

I try to remember my sense of self as a way to pull me

through

I try to look at myself in a mirror and think this is flesh

and it’s mine and I’ve done so much

Just me.

There is comfort in the challenge

I’m eating dirt and staring at a moving hedge

Laid back.

Drunk on a grey sky that fills my head

until there is nothing more

until the nausea subsides.

I try to look at myself in a mirror and remember that

this is today

but there will be days where you will be able to unknot your stomach with your own two hands

and take the bags under your eyes for a walk

to greet the trees like old friends.

an unraveling