to the boys & men that I know,

To the boy on the playground,

Whose words are still jumbled but are already forming sentences that are rough and ready to bite and bleed;

Sentences that have been passed down from man to boy whipped across ears like hand to cheek;

They sound heavy and troublesome on your tongue and you like that because all you want to be is grown-

 

To the boy in the bedroom on the top floor,

You don’t feel okay with the shit that’s going on in the other bedroom

But you can’t see and it’s just past midnight and you might vomit again soon

It’s all going to be okay because it always is,

Crawl to the sink-

 

To the man who has tried to anchor himself to his guilt for too long,

Who dragged himself over glass every day to live again,

Groundhog day.

You don’t have to fix everything yourself in this world

It’s okay to ask for help.

 

To the boys and men that I know.

I dream of reclaimed masculinity and I dream of it because god knows that you’ve felt so tired of this. Softness and Femininity are not the enemy or opposite in a bloody war that will only be won through crushing your soul and body into a stereotype.

Our crusade and our war is to realise that long ago you were told that your masculinity rests on certain types of victory:

selfish pursuit,

material attainment,

emotionally suppressed,

hierarchy driven

bullshit.

Our crusade and our war is to recognise this as the lie that it is.

 

Be soft, be kind, be your emotions, find and trust in community.

 

to the boys & men that I know,

No, I don’t want to hear about your ‘Goal Weight’

TW: eating disorders, weight loss, weight gain.

 

I am struggling today and I feel like screaming so I wrote this instead.

 

This is not a personal attack on anyone or anything. We are all trying to get by within the same often-shitty system that continuously judges us on arbitrary things. You are all so worthy of love and self love- remember that and give yourself a huge mental hug.

 

Having said that, I’m fucking furious.

 

I’m fucking furious because I am SO SICK of the corporate and patriarchal machine churning out products, advertisements, mind-sets that sell cures to their prescribed human inadequacy.

 

I’m fucking furious because we constantly get bombarded with a million messages a day which are puppeteered by faceless, nameless assholes who don’t care that they are making our human shells more important than our beautiful minds.

 

I’m fucking furious that you can clearly see this erosion in everything- comments, every day purchases, routines, labelling- however they’re seen as normal and not seen as contributing to a wider disease.

 

I’m fucking furious because the other day in TIMOR-LESTE a girl was teased by my work mates for being fatter than them. This negative attitude only happens in the city where Western influence and marketing has reached, in the districts ‘isin-boot’ or ‘lots of flesh’ is seen as a GOOD thing because it means you have enough to eat and are not malnourished.

 

I’m fucking exhausted of comparing myself to others.

 

I’m trying to stop obsessing over weight to instead focus on health and fitness (in most situations very distinctly separate from one’s weight).

 

Here are a couple of alternative ways to think about health in your life:

 

  • Today, I’m going to go for a run because I really enjoy how STRONG my body feels afterwards and how HAPPY I feel after I exercise.
  • Today, I’m going to try to eat some more fruit and vegetables because I can tell that my body is feeling very ill after not having enough of them. I want my body to be HEALTHY so that I can achieve my goals (no matter how big or small) today!
  • Today I’m not feeling so good so I’m going to put on some comfy clothes and watch my favourite movie and eat pizza. BECAUSE PIZZA IS A DELICIOUS AND GOOD HUMAN INVENTION AND WITH ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS IN THE WORLD RN WE HAVE TO HOLD ON TO WHAT’S GOOD.

 

Please don’t buy into that ‘goal weight’ bullshit. You’re your own body’s expert; you know when your body feels good and when it doesn’t.

Fat is fat and we all have it. It’s a component of our body’s make up- like bones and muscles we need it and it is very useful to us.

You are beautiful and you are loved and you are deserving of kindness from yourself. Think about all the wonderful things that your body does.

No, I don’t want to hear about your ‘Goal Weight’